White light bathes frothy waves crashing into the shore, illuminating a continuing Domino Effect, while the heavens pour out a storm. Pellets of rain like clusters of fireflies under lamps, landing onto the steps leading to sand and water, almost as if you can catch them. In a way, you can, if you let them soak you. Soak, not clean, because rain is no longer pure and who knows, the acid could eat into your body. But stay, stay until it washes the surface, till you feel it is enough. The sea sings notes discordant, made more so by the rain pattering onto concrete, into sand, into water and albescent froth.

The water sings to you.

Pink

So she paints her nails a celebratory candy pink, and shows it off to herself under bright chandelier lights. It's difficult to choose, how to look at it. Under the white light, or yellow-orange. Tough decision, for such a pretty colour. And this is special, it makes her feel like a princess, with liquid cotton candy on her nails. She can't stop looking at it, tear her eyes away from it. It lifts up her spirits. It makes her want to don those rose tinted shades (again) and run around painting the town red, run wild. Clear her mind, and let the colours explode until she feels like the end of a rainbow waiting to be discovered.

She wants to feel happy again. She wants to live in a bubble too.

"It twinkles in the moonlight, you see?" she said, holding her little trinket close to her heart as she pranced around. He looked at her, puzzled, and shook his head.
"But of course," continued she," How should you understand. You've never had one, have you?" carefully testing the water before she dipped her feet into it and sat down next to him.
"I'd share with you, but it's precious, so precious. precious, precious, precious." And all the while, he smiled at her giddiness, upon finding that tiny piece of silver that shone in the moonlight.

The good part of this typhoid thing is, I can sleep through days without really having to wake up.
Except that it's wearing off now.

Rise and shine, welcome back to the nightmare.

"I'm never going to cut you out of my life."

Liar.

And suddenly it's too cold for me to stay anymore. You're too cold.

I will close my eyes and wish upon oblivion.

So, who's going to fill this void?

I hate you.

You forget me.

How could you?

Fairytales.

She holds no inspiration for you with her silly banter of dreams, hopes, the future. It is almost comically infectious, this facade, such a singularly placed focus on a blurry aim. Like lips bitten, bleeding with forced concentration. "The intensity is killing us!" scream out her thoughts as she tries hard, so very hard to shut off every bit of thinking, all the day dreaming that got no one anywhere, because these idiosyncrasies, she realises, were special only to her.

Have always been, because he turned around and away and he is now but a blur on another ocean, another land she only dreams of. And she to him, is as unreal as that which he cannot see through his lens, the lens which captures much in it's sparkling definition and power. But she is not part of that picture, or any other pictures. She will watch with a longing for a time to come, and then gather her determination to announce, eventually, she doesn't need it anymore. That there is nothing to fret over. When there is, there is so much to dwell on. Because that is the habit of the pointless and the daydreamers: they linger, they plan, they watch their sandcastles being washed away and shed seas from their own eyes. And how many times has it been pointed out to them that they will be unsuccessful? That they are counting on that which has no basis in reality? Countless. Still all she thinks of is " but the dreaming never hurt anyone." No, it didn't. But he tired of it, because you cannot take pictures of dreams. You cannot turn them into film. You cannot see them, touch them on a regular basis. And so, it means nothing.

So she takes his nothing, captures it in her box of dreams, and allows it to clean away the nonsense in her head, while he lingers on in her heart, and she asks herself why?

She's waiting for a peculiar looking elf to jump out of nowhere, decked in Vegas neons, shouting "Hey YOU!! I'm hope at the end of a tunnel!!". She'll never learn.

Love Song- Sara Bareilles

Head under water
And you tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
Made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you a love song today

*bangs head into wall*
Urgh.

"People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling." Dr.Cox and Bob Kelso.

We're all selfish selfish selfish.

So I won't pretend to be selfless.

It was nice seeing you.
I'll be missing you.
=)