Why does life keep on taking me back to my favourite Scrubs quote?
People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling, and you, are clearly one of them.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Your Ex-lover Is Dead- Stars
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...
I love this song. It says so much.
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin
It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...
I love this song. It says so much.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Denature
I wrote this a day after Halloween, which was a horrible, horrible night to have gone through. If there was a Top 10 Mortifying Moments list for my life, it would definitely have made the top 3. October was a horrid month for me, so I was, I guess, kind of out of it at that point. It's funny how you lose your head and don't even realise what you're doing sometimes. So well, I wrote, and then forgot all about it. I was going through my stuff when I saw this:
Implode. OED might have a proper meaning for it, but my definition is: when I find myself doing things, thinking about things and accepting things which I never thought I would. Which I judged people for. And now, it's a constant lack of clarity and good judgement, with only divine intervention saving my sorry ass by a measly shot. Maybe it's all the hurt and the anger, but losing all ideas of moral right and wrong, sticking out my middle finger to the world and whizzing through life always struck me as an incredibly stupid thing to do. And yet, here I am. Open as a trashy tabloid, so people can talk, point fingers, laugh.
I'm giving them something to talk about.
And that something is me. I don't quite comprehend how I manage to do so, but putting myself in situations which invite public humiliation, labelling, gossipping seems to have become my forte somehow. I'm a disaster careening towards a night in jail because I went 150 Mph on a road with a speed limit of 30 Mph, and the cops are catching up to me. They're moving in, and when they do, my facade will fade and I'll be like a deer caught in headlights. When the truck hits, the ground will move from under my feet, the world will take a 360 degree spin and I'll go on a 20 second high before I call it quits and exit, time's up on stage child, move along, move on.
When I'm looked at,and I know I'm being whispered about, smirked at, I know. It's not paranoia. I know because I allow it. So next time you stop and stare, know that I know, since it's because of me that you know. And this doesn't make sense, but neither does anything else at this point. It's just an inborn sense that everyone has, which prevents people from doing things out in the open because well....they'd be judged...yeah. Which I'm choosing to ignore. You might say, fuck judgement and fuck people, but you'll mostly hear it from:
a) Guys who want to fuck you.
b) People who've been screwed over, or have messed around so much they really don't have anything else to say.
So that's where I'm getting my pearls of wisdom from these days.
And why is all this hitting me now?
Because, the realisation I'm better than this resurfaced last night after a particularly embarrassing incident. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't high. I was in my senses. Because even without doing something, it's sick how you can fit into a certain mould at a certain time, and suspend all concepts of reality, what you're used to.
Then why would I deliberately put myself in a situation like that? It was something like having the brakes of your car fail and crashing through your windshield. In my head, that's what I was doing.
I know what I want. Need.
I thought it was all over, I'd move on like that *poof* and it'd be gone. But it's not, and of late, because of it, I've become the epitome of stupidity. There's no one to hold responsible, it's all me, but the longing exists. There's only one thing I want. I'd give up the world for it. It's not a case of grab the stars and moon for you if you asked me to love. It's a plain cry to make someone see how wrenching a right away from something only leads to a place for wrong because the jigsaw doesn't fit any other way. Like when you denature an enzyme, it's permanently gone. Sayonara.
And I just plead to you, don't denature me.
But you're hopeless and helpless. So I blame myself.
Thank you God for saving my ass, and knocking sense into me because of what happened. Please keep saving my ass. Amen.
Implode. OED might have a proper meaning for it, but my definition is: when I find myself doing things, thinking about things and accepting things which I never thought I would. Which I judged people for. And now, it's a constant lack of clarity and good judgement, with only divine intervention saving my sorry ass by a measly shot. Maybe it's all the hurt and the anger, but losing all ideas of moral right and wrong, sticking out my middle finger to the world and whizzing through life always struck me as an incredibly stupid thing to do. And yet, here I am. Open as a trashy tabloid, so people can talk, point fingers, laugh.
I'm giving them something to talk about.
And that something is me. I don't quite comprehend how I manage to do so, but putting myself in situations which invite public humiliation, labelling, gossipping seems to have become my forte somehow. I'm a disaster careening towards a night in jail because I went 150 Mph on a road with a speed limit of 30 Mph, and the cops are catching up to me. They're moving in, and when they do, my facade will fade and I'll be like a deer caught in headlights. When the truck hits, the ground will move from under my feet, the world will take a 360 degree spin and I'll go on a 20 second high before I call it quits and exit, time's up on stage child, move along, move on.
When I'm looked at,and I know I'm being whispered about, smirked at, I know. It's not paranoia. I know because I allow it. So next time you stop and stare, know that I know, since it's because of me that you know. And this doesn't make sense, but neither does anything else at this point. It's just an inborn sense that everyone has, which prevents people from doing things out in the open because well....they'd be judged...yeah. Which I'm choosing to ignore. You might say, fuck judgement and fuck people, but you'll mostly hear it from:
a) Guys who want to fuck you.
b) People who've been screwed over, or have messed around so much they really don't have anything else to say.
So that's where I'm getting my pearls of wisdom from these days.
And why is all this hitting me now?
Because, the realisation I'm better than this resurfaced last night after a particularly embarrassing incident. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't high. I was in my senses. Because even without doing something, it's sick how you can fit into a certain mould at a certain time, and suspend all concepts of reality, what you're used to.
Then why would I deliberately put myself in a situation like that? It was something like having the brakes of your car fail and crashing through your windshield. In my head, that's what I was doing.
I know what I want. Need.
I thought it was all over, I'd move on like that *poof* and it'd be gone. But it's not, and of late, because of it, I've become the epitome of stupidity. There's no one to hold responsible, it's all me, but the longing exists. There's only one thing I want. I'd give up the world for it. It's not a case of grab the stars and moon for you if you asked me to love. It's a plain cry to make someone see how wrenching a right away from something only leads to a place for wrong because the jigsaw doesn't fit any other way. Like when you denature an enzyme, it's permanently gone. Sayonara.
And I just plead to you, don't denature me.
But you're hopeless and helpless. So I blame myself.
Thank you God for saving my ass, and knocking sense into me because of what happened. Please keep saving my ass. Amen.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Damaged -Plumb
Dreaming comes so easily
'cause it's all that i've known
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so how would i know
I'm scared and i'm alone
I'm ashamed
And i need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that i wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'cause i feel you, i feel you near me
Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as i'm sure you know
'cause it's all that i've known
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so how would i know
I'm scared and i'm alone
I'm ashamed
And i need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that i wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'cause i feel you, i feel you near me
Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as i'm sure you know
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Words of Wisdom.
I’ve always maintained that anyone can…
January 27, 2009 by a very smart person
…have a relationship, a partner, a marriage, a fuck. It’s just a question of lowering standards sufficiently.
But then your friends make helpful comments like bless him, he’s really punching above his weight and you realise you have not so much lowered your standards as thrown them in front of a train and watched them explode over you in a surprisingly heavy shower of gore. So when the fucker stops calling, you’re torn between feeling rejected and relieved. I mean, he was ill-educated and the wrong side of average in every possible sense, but shit, even that didn’t want you?
And this is the paragraph with the conclusion. I know what it is, but I can’t be bothered to write it. Imagine a vaguely cloying cliche. Yep. There you go.
From a certain blog which I do not wish to tell peeps about, yeah.^_^
Worsheeeeeep.
And thanks Manifor showing me this gem=D
January 27, 2009 by a very smart person
…have a relationship, a partner, a marriage, a fuck. It’s just a question of lowering standards sufficiently.
But then your friends make helpful comments like bless him, he’s really punching above his weight and you realise you have not so much lowered your standards as thrown them in front of a train and watched them explode over you in a surprisingly heavy shower of gore. So when the fucker stops calling, you’re torn between feeling rejected and relieved. I mean, he was ill-educated and the wrong side of average in every possible sense, but shit, even that didn’t want you?
And this is the paragraph with the conclusion. I know what it is, but I can’t be bothered to write it. Imagine a vaguely cloying cliche. Yep. There you go.
From a certain blog which I do not wish to tell peeps about, yeah.^_^
Worsheeeeeep.
And thanks Manifor showing me this gem=D
Monday, February 2, 2009
Haye mein kitnee emo huun.
the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey
and i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way
i smoke and i drink
and every time i blink
i have a tiny dream
but as bad as i am
i'm proud of the fact
that i'm worse than i seem
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny thing
will wash up on the shore
you walk through my walls
like a ghost on tv
you penetrate me
and my little pink heart
is on its little brown raft
floating out to sea
and what can i say
but i'm wired this way
and you're wired to me
and what can i do
but wallow in you
unintentionally
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?
with overtones ringing
undertow抯 pulling away
under a sky that is grey
on sand that is grey
by an ocean that's grey
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore.
Grey by Ani DiFranco.
URGH.
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey
and i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way
i smoke and i drink
and every time i blink
i have a tiny dream
but as bad as i am
i'm proud of the fact
that i'm worse than i seem
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny thing
will wash up on the shore
you walk through my walls
like a ghost on tv
you penetrate me
and my little pink heart
is on its little brown raft
floating out to sea
and what can i say
but i'm wired this way
and you're wired to me
and what can i do
but wallow in you
unintentionally
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore
regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?
with overtones ringing
undertow抯 pulling away
under a sky that is grey
on sand that is grey
by an ocean that's grey
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore.
Grey by Ani DiFranco.
URGH.
Feel so blaahed out since the past few days, I think it's all the work.
I feel lost, as in, people actually come upto me and ask me why I look so lost. It's so weird. I didn't think it would be written across my face.=\
A thousand times an hour is torn across
And burned for the sake of going on living. - James K. Baxter
I feel lost, as in, people actually come upto me and ask me why I look so lost. It's so weird. I didn't think it would be written across my face.=\
A thousand times an hour is torn across
And burned for the sake of going on living. - James K. Baxter
Sunday, February 1, 2009
In The Sun by Joseph Arthur <3
Beautiful song=)
I Picture You In The Sun
Wondering
What Went Wrong
And Falling Down On Your Knees
Asking For
Sympathy
And Being Caught In Between
All You Wish For
And All You Seen
And Trying To Find Anything
You Can Feel
That You Can Believe In
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
I Know I Would Apologize
If I Could
See Your Eyes
'Cause When You Showed Me Myself You Know
I Became
Someone Else
But I Was Caught In Between
All You Wish For And All You Need
I Picture You Fast Asleep
A Nightmare Comes
You Cant Keep Awake
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
'Cause If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
You
Well I Dont Know Anymore
What Its For
I'm Not Even Sure
If There Is Anyone
Who Is In The Sun
Will You Help Me To Understand?
'Cause I Been Caught In Between
All I Wish For And All I Need
Maybe You're Not Even Sure
What It's For
Anymore Than Me
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
'Cause If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
'Cause If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
You
I Picture You In The Sun
Wondering
What Went Wrong
And Falling Down On Your Knees
Asking For
Sympathy
And Being Caught In Between
All You Wish For
And All You Seen
And Trying To Find Anything
You Can Feel
That You Can Believe In
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
I Know I Would Apologize
If I Could
See Your Eyes
'Cause When You Showed Me Myself You Know
I Became
Someone Else
But I Was Caught In Between
All You Wish For And All You Need
I Picture You Fast Asleep
A Nightmare Comes
You Cant Keep Awake
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
'Cause If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
You
Well I Dont Know Anymore
What Its For
I'm Not Even Sure
If There Is Anyone
Who Is In The Sun
Will You Help Me To Understand?
'Cause I Been Caught In Between
All I Wish For And All I Need
Maybe You're Not Even Sure
What It's For
Anymore Than Me
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
Always
May God's Love Be With You
'Cause If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
'Cause If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
If I Find
If I Find My Own Way
How Much Will I Find?
You
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