Alone.

I can't explain why I feel like this. I've come to terms with everything, I honestly have. And I'm trying not to be melodramatic, because I know that's irritating. But I can't explain it to anyone. Just this feeling of loneliness that doesn't leave me alone. Maybe I've become one of those people who need to be in a relationship to feel normal.

It's not intentional.
It's just something that happens.

And I've posted it here before, but :

" Such journeys have convinced me that it is not always possible to restore one's boundaries after they have been blurred and made permeable by a relationship: try as we might, we cannot reconstitute ourselves as the autonomous beings we previously imagined ourselves to be. Something of us is now outside, and something of the outside is now within us."-- From The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid.

And because there is no reconstitution, we look for love elsewhere, look for one more person, look to divide ourselves even further, become a fraction smaller and smaller, until there's no more us, but just pieces of other "special" people.

I'm scared of becoming that person. So scared. I'll implode, if there's one more. And that is why there isn't.

Closure is a lie. A big, fat, stinking lie.