For someone who doesn't pray, I have a lot of faith in God. I suppose I no longer know what I am, and the term "Modern/Liberal Muslim" irks me. People like us aren't at peace with themselves simply because they live in a strange sort of uncertainty. I know which God I want to follow, but does that God want me to be following them? I'm definitely not doing enough for my God. But I'm not going to turn to some alternative version that caters to me and what I want, makes life easier. That's never been the answer.
I will not take the God's name in vain. I will not tattoo the Quran on my body. I will not wear Allah pendants, or the Ayat-ul-Kursi for decorative purposes. Does all of this make me sound holier than thou?
I don't restrict myself to halal meat. I respect people who do. I don't understand it when people insist on eating halal, but will drink alcohol. And there are many who do that. But perhaps this is some strange way of practicing faith, just as I have my own.
I do judge people. More than they know. More than it is my place to judge. And I ask for forgiveness everyday. But excuse my audacity if I don't know what it is that I seek forgiveness for. All my life I was taught not to take God's name in vain. The one thing I took away from faith was to be a good person. Does a good person pray regularly? Or do they avoid hurting other people? Or both? I was taught that there is a God, watching over everything. And I've never really forgotten it. While there are people all around me professing their atheism and their agnosticism, I turn to the only God I know and I pray for protection. From what? I don't know, but I suppose it's a certain loss of faith that I fear more than anything else.
We all need something to hold on to, and feeling abandoned by the one entity I place my trust in is more than I could handle.
We all need forgiveness. For a million things.
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- Opinionated Jaahil
- Little fish trying to make it big in a sea of other little fish.
6 comments:
I follow God. Not necessarily all his texts, and what people have twisted into His teachings. God wants us to be good people. I don't believe it has anything to do with praying 5 times a day, and reading the Koran.
"feeling abandoned by the one entity I place my trust in is more than I could handle"....that line hit home.
I understand the uncertainty you are talking about since I've experienced it myself.
I wish for one briefest moment people would think over this very thought. It is the very fundamental of our religious blindness and spiritual dormancy. The very thought of faith in the unknown and absolute doubt behind every single good deed and thought and its acceptance from the Greater Being. Bravo friend.
When I started praying, it was more because I was told to - except I didn't really pray. I didn't even know what I believed in, what I had to believe in. Then someone died. My life changed. I read so much about life and Islam, and the one thing that hit me was something that went like 'so your teacher gives you an assignment to do and you do it, except you don't do it the way he/she tells you to do it - you really think you're going to get full points? So why is it that you don't pray the way you've been told to pray - five times, prostration, the units and all?'
The I learnt the words. The actual meaning. In it's original language. It was the best feeling ever.
I guess it works differently for everyone, maybe?=)
This is the voice in my head. How did you know what is in my head? :)
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